Finding balance

Its been over two years since I’ve posted to this blog. A LOT has changed. A quick and over-simplified list of the main changes:

I became a mom. Twice. Two perfect, beautiful, energetic, and amazing little boys. The little big guy is now almost two and a half (yay, toddlerhood.) and the littlest of guys is almost 7 months. Being a mother is such a surreal thing and mostly brings me so much joy it hurts, but some days it brings so much frustration and exhaustion that its hard not to feel like I’m going to break.

We have re-relocated back to the good old U S of A. For the last year and a half of our time in Turkey it was really hard to write about everyday life there without being incredibly negative. Part of that was because life was so different with a little one and it made everyday interactions more frustrating than funny (hello, mommy guilt!) and Mr. Awesome’s late nights at work less bearable. But largely, I didn’t feel like I could see the Turkey I fell in love with years ago. It was changing — rapidly — into a place I didn’t like. As more journalists, academics, and even lowly bloggers were being rounded up and arrested I didn’t feel safe writing the thoughts I was having and I didn’t feel honest leaving them out. So I didn’t write. Looking back, I wish I had kept a journal even just to document how quickly it seemed that things changed and in what ways.

Most notably, my promise not to let this become a mommy blog is changing. I realized that being a mother has been such an overwhelmingly large part of who I am right now that I can’t possibly write on any type of regular basis without mommy-ing creeping in to that writing. I’m also at a point in my mothering journey where I need to find connections outside of my kids and my husband (whom I love to no end, but a girl needs more!). In our ever-connected world I’ve found it ironically harder to make face to face friends so I’m taking to the internet to curate my own circle of mommy friends.

If you’re interested in being friends and supporting one another through this crazy rollercoaster ride called motherhood, great! If you’re looking to show off how perfectly you can stage an instagram photo of motherhood, I’m probably not the girl for you. I’m going to try to be honest as I document my attempt to find balance between being a mom and being me. So bear with me as I reconfigure this little space and as I blabber into the ether about things that feel important to me in the few quiet(ish) moments I can find. I’m not sure what that will look like, but I have come to accept that it really is all about the journey and I hope to keep my intelligence and wits about me as I journey from here.

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