Ay (n.: month, moon)

With less than one month until my 30th birthday, I realize I will not be accomplishing my 30 in 30 by the time I turn 30.  When I started this list, it was to give me something fun to keep me busy with and blogging about.  It seems that neither has really been the case.  Not to say I have not been busy, but I’ve not necessarily been busy with the things I listed in my “to do” list and I’ve been less than stellar about keeping up with this blog.

I recently got back from a short trip to the States.  It was exactly what I needed in so many ways: friends, comfortable small talk (read: in English with strangers), baby spinach, yoga classes that I wasn’t teaching, etc.  I’m so very glad I went and at the same time a little more homesick now that I’m back.  Don’t get me wrong, I am so happy to be back with Mr. Awesome and puppy girl, but I am also quite ready to be back in the US on a more permanent basis.  I know we have another two years (at least) here in Ankara and I’m still thankful for that time, but I am now most definitely also looking forward to going back.

While I was in the States, I realized I need to give being here a better chance.  I need to let go of what I wish it were like and who I wish were here with me and instead embrace what it is.  I need to do better making new friends and accept the people in my life as they are.  I need to be as confident at trying new things alone here as I am in the States.  I need to accept that Mr. Awesome will be stuck working obscene hours for ridiculous (and not-so-ridiculous) issues.  And I need to give myself a break when I can’t accept and do all these things all the time.  I hope to add these and many others to my list of ongoing things to do/see/accomplish.

Being less than a month away from my 30th birthday, I realize that much like New Year’s Resolutions, accomplishing a list of things before a certain date is sort of silly.  It should be a continuous process.  I started the list as a way of coping with a big birthday… turning 30 is scary, right?  It’s the first major milestone birthday that isn’t associated with getting new privileges and therefore is going over and down the proverbial hill, right?  Yet somehow looking down the barrel at 30 I strangely feel… nothing.  Yet.

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2 Comments

  1. I hate to break it to you, but I have now been 30 for almost 2 weeks and I still feel nothing. I feel exactly the same still, which I honestly think is great. Why SHOULD I feel any different? If anything, I feel more empowered because I’m not that kid in my 20s no one wants to take seriously. I can buy whatever I want, whenever I want (within reason, obviously), I can speak from experience, I can say I’ve done x, y, and z before. I have the freedom to do what I want when I want, even if that means go to bed at 8:30 on a Saturday night while on vacation (what? no, that hasn’t actually happened…).

    As for accepting living there for what it is and being more open to the experience, preach on. You took the thoughts and words right off of a page in my book there. I AM in the states and still feel that way. I think that’s just what happens when you move, especially if you know you love somewhere else more. It’s hard and it takes time. You just have to try. You can’t feel bad if you try and still don’t like it. At least in trying to have a positive (I hope) experience you’ll grow as a person and experience new things. Don’t feel guilty if you don’t like it. Not everyone likes every thing. If nothing else, I may just have to come visit so we can both do something fun together! 🙂

    • I love you. Thank you!!! You are welcome to come visit any time you want.

      You are so right about turning 30 — I think I’ve been more worried about the fact that I’m not really worried about it. Silly, I know.

      You know, I always try to remind myself of how much I hated DC when I first moved there and how much I loved it when I left. In fact, it’s now what I think of as “home”. I just need to remind myself that it is a great experience and by the time we leave I’ll be missing Ankara.

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